Am I a high agency individual?
On the surface, the concept of “High Agency” sounds really simple, but at the same time it’s very complex. If I were to write it as briefly as possible I would say its “My ability to impact the world around me”.
Rolled into this concept are some corner stones, that I believe I have attempted to build into my life, through a curious mind and a propensity for reading and experimenting with new philosophies, traits and habits.
Among these I would attribute the core principles of being high agency to “First Principles Thinking”, a bias for action and a good understanding of the internal locus of control. Knowing what to act on and care about, is the absolute core of being high agency.
Lately I’ve been incredibly inspired by the article by George Mack on the topic of high agency. I find myself shame reading through the post as I discover what once used to be innate traits I had (and was lucky to have), have slowly been eroded to the point where I’m as average as anyone, weak opinions, afraid to stand out.
That’s so far from the image of myself that I have always had, even as a kid, not afraid to stand out and be my own. And after all, being myself is the best way of living life. There’s only one of me, and so many of everyone else, why be everyone else?
The idea of turning bullshit into reality is hard to read, as this was always something that I was incredibly proud of in myself, and now it just seems to be… Not there anymore. It also got me thinking, what is it that I truly value in this life? It’s hard figuring out what I value, not caring if anyone else thinks its cool, fun or anything in between. Growing up, I was always a nerd (back when that wasn’t too popular of a word to describe someone), and I really did thrive in that. I was never apologetic or afraid to be who I was, something I am incredibly thankful has come natural to me. So why is it gone? Is it just the wear and tear of life, grinding down my uniqueness? Life taking an unexpected but very ordinary turn, making it hard to see what makes me me?
I don’t know.
I’ve always been known to say that life is about having the best stories on your death bed. Not as a form of keeping score, but in fact the exact opposite. We live life exactly once. There IS no scoreboard. Everything we do is ultimately inconsequential and 99.9% of us will have little to no impact on the history of the world. The best thing we can do in life, is to make sure we have fun and live it to the fullest.
What are some signs I’m not high agency?
This next part will be painful to write. Probably the most painful stuff I’ve written, because it demands introspection. And it demands introspection in away I can’t be dishonest about; ultimately I would be deluding myself, and that is not how I like to play.
If high agency is the ability to impact (and potentially shape) my world around me, then low agency must be the opposite. It must be areas of life in which I live as a passenger and don’t have any impact at all.
In some way, I feel like I “accidentally” landed in someone elses life. I mean, I have a good job, a loving partner, a kid on the way, recently got a dog. So many things I’ve always wanted. Kind of. And thats the key word. I’ve always wanted a dog. I’ve never really wanted a kid, or a partner. Having said that, I realize I may have just been stupid, as having a loving life-partner is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. And choosing the right partner is one of the best decisions we can make in life.
And maybe thats where I fell short.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my partner. But she doesn’t value the same things I do. I’ve always had an entrepreneurial drive in me, previously ran my own businesses (more than once!) and have dreams to do so again. She values the stability of a job and a steady pay check. It’s very hard for me to convince her my choice is the right one, and vice versa.
What are some signs I may be high agency?
As hard as it is reading the article and mourning the loss of something I used to be, it also prompted me to take a good hard look at myself, looking for both areas where I’m low agency and areas where I’m high agency.
Recently, my new boss told me he was incredibly happy with and impressed with how quickly I had onboarded into my role at my new job, during my first 1:1. A 1:1 that I had invited for, because I wanted to catch up on my first month.
Those are certainly signs of being high agency, onboarding oneself, always moving to the next task, never being slowed down by “waiting to be handed another task”. And that certainly fits the bill with me. I hate sitting idle. I want to do things. I want to create things.
Moving forward, I’m going to put a lot more effort into living my life. A life with high agency, where I’m not just a bystander, but the main character.